


E!!Insomnia

by outinthewind



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Paparazzi, Teen Angst, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9133210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outinthewind/pseuds/outinthewind
Summary: Another kinkmeme fill:"Pre-canon. Insomnia has a thriving business of sleazy celebrity gossip mags obsessed with the crown prince's looks, alleged drug rehabs (that never happened because Gladio would probably blow a coronary if Noctis did drugs), whirlwind affairs with men/women (at the same time), and possibly the size of his dick.Noctis pretends it doesn't bother him but what teen boy wouldn't be mortified about nation-wide speculation about his genitalia.The bros comfort him in their own ways. Prompto listens to him vent. Ignis reassures him that everyone knows all the gossip mags are full of shit (just in a classy Ignis way), and Gladio. . . probably doesn't think it's important but still clumsily tries to reassure Noctis."





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Go prompt/write here!](https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/841.html)

"They interviewed a _doctor_ ," Noctis said, waving his phone in Prompto's face. "They took a _doctor_ away from patients to ask about my _dick_."

"Well. . ." said Prompto, trying very hard not to laugh. "At least the doc said your dick is probably average-sized?"

"That's not the point!" Noctis grunted and fell on his sofa, face-down, and groaned.

Prompto grabbed Noctis' phone and opened the internet browser. _E!!Insomnia's_ front page had a picture of Noctis out in the pool, wearing only swimming trunks that were fairly modest, but still clung to his thighs really nicely. He'd been stretching at the time the pic was taken, so his bulge did look. . . well, it was there, was the point.

"How’s this one of the most popular websites in this kingdom?" Noctis sighed and shot Prompto an imploring look. "Don't people have jobs?"

"Yeah, they read this shit on their breaks," said Prompto. "They all realize deep down that it's all bullshit, but it's _entertaining_ bullshit."

"Yeah?" Noctis looked so damn hopeful that it made Prompto's heart ache.

"Yeah." If Prompto didn't think it would be weird, he'd say that Noctis had nothing to worry about because he looked really good anyway. Why he didn't focus on all the articles about what his diet was like, and how much exercise he must do to maintain such a nice bod was beyond Prompto. "Besides, whenever they do one of those public opinion things, everyone says you seem really nice." There were also people who said he was stuck-up and full of himself, but Noctis didn't need to hear about those right now. They were just jealous anyway.

"I guess."

"Come on!" Prompto put the phone on the table and dragged Noctis off the couch. "Forget them and let's go play King's Knight."

Prompto wouldn't ever say it out loud, but the massive entertainment suite was a sweet perk of being friends with the Crown Prince. Almost as sweet as getting one of those shy, genuine smiles out of him.

* * *

 

“This is an insult,” said Gladio.

“ _Thank you_ ,” said Noctis, relieved that finally Gladio was taking the problem seriously.

“As if I would ever kiss you.”

“Well. . . “ That kinda burned.

E!!Insomnia had somehow gotten a pic of Noctis and Gladio training by one of the pools in Noctis’ apartment complex, and by “training”, Noctis meant “getting beat by Gladio at hand-to-hand”. The pap had gotten a shot of Gladio straddling Noctis’ waist, holding both of Noctis’ arms above his head as he smirked down at his prince, leaning down as though he’d been planning to steal a kiss. No kiss had been stolen, except in Noctis' guilty wank-fantasies.

“I was taunting you,” protested Gladio. “I wouldn’t kiss you!”

“You don’t have to say it like _that_.” Noctis prompted. “Some people would probably faint if I kissed them. Legions would.”

“Noctis.” Gladio looked at him like Regis did when he showed up home with average grades, which probably would have been failing grades if teachers weren’t afraid to fail the crown prince. “You’re betrothed.”

“I know that.”

“And I’m your Shield,” said Gladio, waving his phone is disgust. “If anyone but some stupid pap were insinuating that we’d disregard our duty like this, I would. . . eugh.”

Gladio would probably challenge them to an honor duel or something. He probably didn’t even want to kiss Noctis either (why would he?), but he didn’t sound like he was disgusted with the idea. Just the implications. Yeah. That made sense. There was no point in thinking anything else, but there was no point in daydreaming about Gladio picking him up and throwing onto some flat surface either, and that had never stopped Noctis.

* * *

 

Noctis wished he could let the E!!Insomnia and their ilk go. He got that people wanted to be entertained, that if there was interest for it, then some enterprising “journalist” was gonna write epic fantasies about the orgies he held at his apartment. He’d sent Luna a note about how all that was bullshit (but in a classier way) and she wrote back that she believed him, so he didn’t even care about those anymore. Still, there were little things that he just couldn’t let go. He didn’t think anyone could just get over being scrutinized every second of every day, even if they weren't expected to lead the kingdom someday.

Once, Noctis had gotten an itch on the inside of his nostrils and, assuming that no one was watching, went to scratch at it with his index finger. One of his classmates had taken a picture with their phone and the next day, E!!Insomnia had gleefully posted an article about the Crown Prince’s nose-picking, complete with speculation about whether it was some kind of psychological manifestation of anxiety and fuck knew what else.

So that was Noctis’ life. Any moment he was less-than-perfect was photographed was analyzed by doctors and other “experts”, all with testimonials from “sources close to the prince”. And the times that Noctis was lees-than-perfect far outnumbered the times he was even close to perfect. There was a reason he spoke to few people besides Prompto, Ignis, and Gladio, and it wasn’t timidity. Mostly not.

“Your Highness,” Ignis called as he entered the apartment, “I have more reports about the Niflheim’s latest movements. I hope you’re in a mood to at least peruse them tonight.”

He wasn’t.

A few days ago, he’d been staring at a glass of soda, watching bubbles fizz up towards the surface, and wondering how that worked. Literally how that worked. Air was lighter than water, wasn’t it? So how come the soda didn’t just like blanket the gas at the bottom of the cup? Noctis assumed someone had tried to teach him about that at some point, but he’d gotten distracted by. . . whatever.

Anyway, someone had taken a picture of him while he stared at his glass, and today E!!Insomnia ran a freaking editorial about how the Crown Prince was heartsick, a blown-up pic of him gazing soulfully at soda on the front page.

“I should write to Luna,” he said.

“About the Empire?” asked Ignis.

“About E!!Insomnia’s latest story about me,” said Noctis, shaking his head. “I don’t want her to worry about me.”

“With all due respect, Noctis,” said Ignis, “I doubt that Lady Lunafreya is reading Lucian gossip rags. She’s probably reading reports about the Imperial Army.”

“Shows how much you know,” said Noctis, though he got Ignis’ point. “She reads them because she likes all the photos of me.” Noctis almost wished that paps followed Luna around as much as they did him, if only so that he got to see more of her.

But pics of Luna didn’t sell as much because the public found it tacky to stalk a religious figure. Go figure.

“Noctis,” said Ignis, sighing as he sat in front of him, “I don’t mean to belittle your negative feelings about these articles, but you must realize that there are more important things in the world than these silly stories.”

“I know that.”

“Besides,” added Ignis, “most of them are quite flattering. The people like you. Even this last story is about how worried everyone is about you, and cursing whatever bastard broke your heart.”

“Do they?”

“Did you read the comments to that article?”

“I never read the comments.” Noctis shuddered. He hadn't read the comments since learning that people couldn't wait until he was legal so the could post _nude_ pictures of him. How were they gonna get those pictures? “I don’t know why anyone ever reads the comments.”

“Well, most of the kingdom wishes to comfort you,” said Ignis.

“Yeah?”

Ignis nodded slowly. “Most of them want to do it in a sexual manner, but yes. The people want to comfort you.”

“I guess it’s the thought that counts,” said Noctis, “even if it’s a perverted thought.”

“Of course,” said Ignis. “Now, about these reports. . .”

Noctis just got up and locked himself in his room. He'd rather obsess about the paps than think about the Empire.


End file.
